I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
