Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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