Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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