You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
