please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
