1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
