Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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