Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
