so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
