i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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