I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
