Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
