I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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