My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
