oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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