yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
