apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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