what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
