turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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