Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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