I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
