I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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