I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
