Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
