I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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