I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
