The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
