Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
