Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize