Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
