This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize