I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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