Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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