Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
