So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i think i just lost a toe
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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