woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
