well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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