Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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