Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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