I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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