Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
