why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
