Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
