So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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