Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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