mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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