what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
