gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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