Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
