i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
