I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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