Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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