yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
