those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize