I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
