I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
