The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
