Who wears a wallet chain?!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
