i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
