who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
