OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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