Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
