The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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