On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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