If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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