when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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