WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
