Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
