How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
