Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
