Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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