just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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