i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize