she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
