I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
