All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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