I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
