Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
