twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
