sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
