well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
