Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
