Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
