my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
