Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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