How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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