Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
