Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
