How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
