so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
