I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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