i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
