I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
