Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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