Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Then you guys just all showered together...?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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