A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize