Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
